I can't sleep, friends and neighbors.
It's been a sporadic burden all my life; the insomnia comes without warning, and lasts anywhere from a night to a week. Actually, in the fall of 1996, I had insomnia for three weeks, and we're talking zombie life......
I've tried everything that a person like me can try; over-the-counter medications, under the table medications, old wives tales, music, acupuncture, acupressure, and at one point I almost went into a biker bar and yelled, "Harley Sucks!" just so somebody would put out the lights.
Oh, and a sidebar: The police WILL stop and talk to you when they see that you're walking the streets at four am with no particular purpose. Some nice policemen in Colorado Springs once even gave me a nice ride home, with the implied suggestion that I go inside and not come out again until daylight.
In the final analysis, I'm at war with myself; my intellectual self is in conflict with my emotional self, and intellect thinks emotion is a pussy, and emotion thinks intellect has a stick up his ass.
It ain't easy being me.
It's not a new story, really, and it's almost embarrassing to admit that yes, I'm like most of the population, not sure why I'm doing what I'm doing, selling my soul for a miserable pittance, acting the role of Cratchit, yes-sir-no-sir-I'll-be-in-bright-and-early-whatever-you-need-sir. It's the way the world revolves. And even though I may think in ever expanding concentric circles, my world is small.
I can't remember the last time I looked at moon with wonder.
I can't remember the last time I woke up with the anticipation of astonishment.
I can't remember the last time I woke up, which is the current problem.
I'm currently surrounded by people who are looking at the status quo as the second coming. That's like looking at the same old thing as maverick.
And through all of this, I keep thinking of South Park's version of Johnny Cochrane, saying, "Look at the monkey...look at the silly monkey!" as juror's heads explode.
At least the Titanic had a band.
Fear not. I'll be back to my reverie and reminiscence as soon as I can. Think of this venting as a kind of test pattern. The stars are aligning; they are just taking their freakin' sweet time.
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3 comments:
When I was a teen I was stopped a couple of times by cops for being out past what they deemed appropriate. But only if we were on foot, not if we were driving. In a car? Stay out as long as you like and do as much stupid shit as you can fit into the short hours before morning! Small town cops can be dumbass.
Oh honey. I remember this with you. Bleagh. I suppose all you can do is write it out.
heh. get it?
ride/write it out?
You know we are all here, reading and wishing you peace and sleep and the wonder of the moon.
ok you have removed a post. are you ok? what's the skinny on your mental health?
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