Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Self-evaluation, followed by recrimination.

Strangest thing. There's a mirror right in front of my computer here in the hotel room overlooking the parking lot in a small suburb of DC, and I've just taken a cursory examination of my face.

Ow.

You see, I also have a mirror in my head. More to the point, I have a portrait of myself in the attic of my mind, and I got to tell you; Dorian Gray has got NOTHING on me.

It always reminds me of a moment of clarity, backstage at the theatre in California. It was one of those melodrama theatres, where they finish the night with a kind of vaudeville review. I was doing a sketch with my dear friend Paris B., and we were playing those Carol Burnett type old people, and I was wearing a dressing gown and a grey wig. In my head, I knew what the guy looked like.

And then, one night I spotted myself in the mirror, and I was SHOCKED to learn that the guy had a beard!

I'm not method; I'm NOT. But I do believe in the philosophy of Coquelin, who stated that he pictured the character in his head, opened his eyes, and tried to be that image. And I had a beard, but the old guy didn't.

Ah, the memories. Sometimes they just kill me.

Back to the present.

I spent yesterday listening to people dress up babbling as new philosophy. I think that the system is valid, but they apply an almost biblical importance to it sometimes, and....

I'M A BIG FUCKING WIMP WHO SHOULD MAKE A CHANGE BUT AM TOO ALL-FIRED COWARDLY TO DO IT. DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT!

3 comments:

Kizz said...

Change sucks.

Misti Ridiculous said...

Leap. and the net will appear.

when you are done, you'll know. that day you can take not one more drop into your already full coffee cup.

just lean over and pour it out.

fuck the mess, it'll be cleaned up.

Gertrude said...

Isn't that what dropping acid is supposed to be for... inventing a new philosophy?
Clemo you and I same boat... row.
I am a veg who works a dog food factory. I know that it way beneath me but I need the money.
So I kid myself being on top of something is the only thing that matters!