Monday, February 1, 2010

I do more (and less) by 8:00 AM than you do (or don't) all day (or night).

Hi.

Haven't seen you in a while; how've you been?

I'm good. You know; work, sleep. The daily grind. Counting the days until vacation.

27.

Nothing much is happening, really. It's cold here; but it's always cold here. And the only thing bearable about February is the fact that it's short. I've been going to the gym a few mornings a week, after work. Don't see much change, really. But I was never a very good judge of...well....me.

On so many levels, I've completely mismanaged my place in the world.

You see, I always considered myself transitory. You know the kind; the kind of person that shows up for a little while, gets a few laughs, helps out with a few jams, and off he goes into the night. And, largely, forgettable.

Being forgettable was a blessing in a way; if I screwed up, nobody would remember, and if I helped, then being forgettable provided the kind of anonymity that prevents having to deal with the thanks of a grateful person.

I would like to say I'm humble, but more to the point, I'm frightened and suspicious of other people's gratitude. Having my generosity pointed out serves only to embarrass me. And that's why I was never comfortable accepting compliments or awards. And why I turned down so many of them.

Now, come to find out, I'm not forgettable.

This just f**ks up my whole perspective.

I need a new one.

As if I don't have enough to do, NOW I have to go shopping for a new perspective.

1 comment:

Gertrude said...

Feb is short... thank you for reminding me of that.
You are utterly unforgettable, yes, I a agree.