A dissertation on the airport personnel that use three initials.

Recently, a dear friend sent me word that some people had questions and concerns about traveling by air. She felt I was in a unique position to answer some of those concerns, seeing as I'm in the business, so to speak.

First, I have to point out something that has not been pointed out on the many talking head opinioncasts you see on the so-called news stations. And by news stations, I mean they're about news like MTV is about music.

But I must not digress.

The chief point to be made here is this: you do not have the inalienable right to fly on an airplane. Airline travel is much like some of the faster rides at Disneyland; they have rules (and according to the sign, height restrictions) and so do the airlines. And if you want to ride, you must obey the rules.

Now, I'm talking about the airlines, now, and not the TSA. The two are sometimes mutually exclusive. The airlines instituted the rules regarding what personal effects you could access on the plane, as well as the ability to cover oneself with a blanket, or go to the bathroom.

These have been blown out of proportion, usually by the media; and, they have been, in some respect, eased somewhat. What you probably didn't know is that they were restrictions limited to international travel. And, these were restrictions born from the knee-jerk reaction to a terrifying event. When somebody goes into a school and shoots up the place, we want to ban every gun in the world; when somebody tries to blow up a plane by setting his d*ck on fire, we want to ban trips to the restroom (where he went to prepare) blankets (that he covered himself with) and access to carry-on (where, theoretically, he got his accoutrement.) I'm surprised we haven't banned underwear. Not that some of us would need any prompting in that regard.

From my perspective, there are three fundamental problems with airline security; one, we don't have the intelligence gathering agencies on the same page. There are still too many holes, even with the umbrella organization that was created after 2001(called Homeland Security). There was more than enough information about the fellow in question to stop him from getting on a plane, but it was like that old children's game we called Telephone: you start with the first person with a simple message, and they whisper it to the next person, and so on, and you compare messages at the end. They are usually FUBAR. Such is the nature of passing on information, even information as important as this. And, certainly, we have certain rules in this country that would have set off the alarms all over the place; one way ticket, no luggage, paid cash, last minute.....oh, yeah. He's a full-on strip search just waiting to happen. But, we cannot be responsible for the screening that takes place in Nigeria, or Amsterdam, for that matter.

The human element; you can't take it away, and you can't really make it perfect. And that's number two on our list of problems; and I'm speaking of the TSA now. I have a problem with the hiring practices, the training, and the management that oversees not only the training, but the use of that training. I'm fairly certain that your average human being with a stake in the outcome can tell when another human being has ill intent. The trouble is, after years of abuse from passengers, and a lack of support from management, the work force has become bitter and uninterested at best, and outright thieving bastards at worst. You've seen it; I've seen it. I've worked against it. But there are other things; the penchant for the organization to hire retired federal employees; the military mind-set of the civilian organization that doesn't allow for individual thought or action without first getting approval; but the most important thing here is that the organization feels that technology trumps human intuition, and that can't be farther from the truth. The TSA really does have some of the best technology in the world, but it's only as good as the person running it.

I would like to take a moment and talk about the technology of the Full Body Imager. The chief concern when it comes to this particular piece of equipment is that it's a massive invasion of privacy. I've seen this machine work, and it really is a marvel, in my opinion. But the images are not graphic; and male images are viewed by male officers, female images by female officers; and the face is not visible; and the image is erased as soon as the image is cleared; and the images are viewed in a windowless, locked room, on a computer that is not linked to any network, so it cannot be hacked. There have been stories that people are afraid that somebody will take a picture of their image scan and put it on the Internet; and it would be impossible for anybody to a) take a picture of the scan, or b) identify the image as a single individual in the scan. And if that's the only argument against the use of this technology, then it really isn't a very good argument. AND, at this point, the technology is strictly voluntary.

If it does become mandatory, I point you back to the first couple of paragraphs, i.e. airline travel is not a right, it is a privilege. You want to ride, you follow whatever rules that come along. Or, there's always Greyhound.

The third problem is that we can't be everywhere. The TSA is kind of like the Constitution...it's only effective in this country. We can offer our technology to other countries, we can even put advisers and the occasional trainer in the other countries that fly directly to the states, but we can't be everywhere. We want to be; personally, I would like a cushy position is a warmer clime, but what are you going to do?

One of the thing that offends me is that the organization is considered a failure for this; it may sound like a cop-out, but I wish I could print the long list of plots we have foiled; but we don't broadcast out successes...that would actually tip off those who seek to do us harm to try another direction.

I would like to apologize to anybody who has ever had a bad time at an airport checkpoint. I profusely apologize to anybody who was forced to deal with rudeness and arrogance from the organization. I'm sorry if you felt as if you were a suspect, or you were treated like a criminal. But you should hear some of the things people say to us.

I've been called racist, fascist and communist. I've been called a rent a cop. I've been told that they'd be waiting for me outside. I've been asked, while searching a bag, if I'm getting off on it. I had one woman throw a large bottle of shampoo at my head.

I've had people say that they forgot that the gun, or the knife, or the Asian fighting tools were in their bag, even though they were right on top.

I've had people say that they really need their shampoo, but don't want to check a bag because we charge too much; as if the TSA controls the airline fee policy. As if there isn't a Walmart on every street in America.

But I understand it; it's their STUFF. And people get really crabby when you try to steal their stuff. And when they ask why, I tell them.

You take your shoes off because an idiot named Richard Reid tried to blow up a plane with a shoe bomb.
We limit your liquids because a bunch of idiots tried to blow up several airplanes with liquid explosive disguised in soda bottles.
We appreciate your patience, and if you wonder why we worry about all sorts of little things; we worry, so that you don't have to.

I'll admit to you this one last thing: I have always tried to treat everybody I came into contact with in my duties with the respect I would want; I explained as much as I could (without giving away secrets); I attempted to help whenever I could to expedite the screening, often going so far as to escort people to their gates so they wouldn't miss a flight; when I said, "thank you." and "have a nice day." and even "how are you today?" I meant it.

So, the next time you're in a checkpoint lane in some busy airport, try to follow the rules, if you have questions, ask them, and understand that there is always a method to the madness, a reason for doing things that we can't always explain, and that we worry about these things so that you can get where you're going in peace.

I have written more in this post than I have in the last two months. I no longer have fingerprints, which is probably going to cost me my job.