Saturday, December 6, 2008

Fire.

I was writing to a friend of mine this morning, and I made the comment, "Now, you see....I've got nothing to post, because I'm sending all the good stuff to you."

But then I thought.....it's STILL good stuff, in my opinion.

So, let me see if I can boil it down.....

I was never the late night "come on over for sex" call. I can't call it a "booty call", because I feel I'm too old to refer to it like that. It just feels silly, somehow. But I was never that.

I was almost ALWAYS the "It's three am and I am drunker than hell and why doesn't he or she LOVE me anymore?" call.

It's a blessing and a curse to be born with so-so looks and capacity for wisdom. Had I been slightly less dense, and slightly more attractive, I might have had more company on cold evenings in days gone by.

C'est la Vie.

I have learned a few things, though.

Firstly, love is a powerful emotion. It's "Change the course of mighty rivers" powerful. "Bend steel" powerful. "I can't believe you ate all of that" powerful. When focused, it's like a laser beam. Unfocused, it's like dynamite. You need to be careful, and NOT at the same time.

If we figured that in the end, the outcome would be that we get blown to smithereens, we would never choose to avail ourselves of it.

But like a fire that warms and comforts, we cannot resist its Siren call. And when in its throes, being blown to smithereens seems to be a pretty good thing, after all.

Damn the outcome, don't damn the choice.

Like a character in a Jack London story, it's reasonable to mourn the loss of the fire, because without that fire, it's really, REALLY cold out here. But the fire comes from different sources, with variations in heat, and its possible to remain warm in the circle of friends and family.

And that's why I take those "three am, drunker than hell, wondering why he or she doesn't LOVE me anymore" calls.

And that's why I've travelled hundreds of miles in the dark, because somebody was hurting and needing.

And that's why I continue to talk about blue faces and bloody great swords.

My fire.

Good day to you.

2 comments:

Gertrude said...

If you want just so you'll have a good "can I get my leg over you" story...
I can call you and you can say...
"No but thank you I am married."
Just for story telling purposes of course.
I'm sorry you missed it.
The whole thing... no emotions, just sex. No breakfast, haul your ass out of here.
The walk of shame. Last nights clothes that smell like the bar.
Despite the description I am writing here...
it is really quite wonderful.
Where is my phone?

Misti Ridiculous said...

blue faces and bloody great swords.

forever.

always.