Lunatic Dancing.

I'm uncomfortable.

It happens from time to time, of course; I think all human beings have a certain latent ability to know that something is coming before it arrives.  Some people see it clearly; some people ignore it as a daydream or a fantasy; and some people get the heebie jeebies.

I'm sitting on the corner of Heebie and Jeebie.  Willie and the Poor Boys are playing; pay your nickel, tap your feet.

My discomfort manifests itself in several ways:  I become less attuned to the world around me, but also suffer from horrible bouts of insomnia.  I eat more than I want.  I start quoting random passages from old songs.

September morn.....we danced until the night became a brand new day.....

See what I mean?  Neil Diamond, fahcryinoutloud.

I'm doing this play.....DANCING AT LUGHNASA...it's a good play and I'm not comfortable yet with it.  All the facts are in evidence, but I can't seem to make the case.  I'm trying to give myself the time; I'm forever impatient with myself, I'm always trying to be further along than I am.  But it opens two weeks from today and I need a Little Christmas, right this f***ing minute.....

Damn, I did it again.  Mame, for GOD'S SAKE!

I have done this all my life; pushing the bounds of what am, in order to get what can be.  Pushing myself past what I know I can do into what I should be able to do.  It annoys people around me, most of the time, and for however long it lasts makes me look like Captain Ahab after one too many Red Bulls.

I apologize, of course.  Sometimes, they are even accepted.

But what I'm looking for....what I WANT....is that moment where all the stars align, the wind blows from the right direction, and you hit the right notes at the right time, and you can feel the light from the smile of God.

You know that moment?  The moment when you know that you're the best there can be....but for just that one moment.

I'm mean, I'm not an egotist.

Not all the time.