Saturday, June 11, 2011

Random thoughts in a really quiet office.

I understand that Leonard Stern, the creator of MAD LIBS, has passed away at the age of 88.
This makes me very (Adjective).

To the producers of HOUSE:  Two words to solve your problem at the exit of Lisa Edelstein:  JENNIFER MORRISON.

While a lot of the country is scorching, we didn't actually break 65 degrees yesterday.  This is not to be envied.  Remember, we had snow in May.

The Missouri River is not rising as quickly, or as far, as they anticipated.  Instead of rising to 21.6 feet (which would be around 6.5 feet over its usual level...and yes, that's about eight inches over my head) it's only going to rise to about 19.5 feet.  The dikes are in place and being monitored, but several hundred houses are already lost to it....and this is supposed to go on until July or August.  But they tell me that the snow melt in the Montana Rockies is almost halfway done.

Can you still use the word Dike to describe a levee?  Or, in the words of Robin Williams in GOOD MORNING, VIETNAM, "The river broke through a protective dike yesterday......what is a protective dike, anyway?  Is it a butch woman in flannel standing nearby, saying, "don't go near the river...stay away from there!"

Forgive the previous, if it offends.  Remember the words of Will Rogers:  "If there's no malice in your heart, there can be none in your jokes."

Has anybody, besides me, ever heard the soundtrack from a review called, UPSTAIRS AT ONEALS?  Apparently, it was Bebe Neuwirth's big break.  Some clever music.  For a four stool review.

Every job I've had in the last twenty years has provoked, at one time or another, the following phrase: "This really is a stupid f***ing way to make a living."

For the actors in the house:  How many of you have left a theatre after a performance and said to yourself, "you know something?  I really am good at this."?  I think I've done it twice.  Since 1980.  Once in the fall of 1984.  And once in summer of 1999.  Every other time, I thought to myself, "Huh.  They bought it."

One of my favorite bits from Mitch Hedberg is about him ordering a sandwich:
"I'd like a pastrami sandwich."
"What kind of bread?"
"Rye...no wait, banana...you got any banana bread?"
"No....what kind of cheese do you want on that?"
"Cottage."
"Get the f**k out! I'm not making you a pastrami sandwich and cottage cheese sandwich on banana bread!"

He goes on to say that he always orders the club sandwich, and he isn't even a member.

Goodnight, y'all.

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